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The One Penis Policy Sucks Dick

Why is it that the majority of male partners I’ve had don’t want to ever share with other men? I am pansexual and very open about it. In fact, I don’t take on partners that aren’t 100% educated about exactly what that entails. Most of my partners are also bisexual or pansexual. So why then, if they understand being able to put your hand down anyone’s pants and liking whatever you find, do they only “allow” me to play with other women?!

I’ve heard from countless friends that they too are victim to the “One and Only Penis” policy in their open and poly relationships. And frankly, it sucks. Here’s what you are suggesting:

1: Women are somehow worth less than men. I can play with women all I want because they aren’t intimidating. It’s just a woman, and besides it’s SO HOT to see women together. eyerolls over the mouth breathing and fapping. Fuck that. If anything I’m more attracted to women as a general matter of course, and if I was going to choose another partner, it would likely be a woman. But even if that weren’t the case, why does it matter? Which leads me to my next point…

2: You have insecurities. Nothing is less sexy than someone who has insecurities but won’t address them. Hey, we all have them. That’s human. But to sweep them under the rug and impose absurd rules is not the way to handle them. Enforcing that you are the only man I get to touch in a poly relationship (while you can be with whoever you want) says a lot about your self esteem. If you think that even the possibility of my seeing another penis might mean I enjoy it more than yours, you’re not doing something right. Which leads me to my last point…

3. If a woman comes in contact with another penis, she’ll automatically leave you. Okay, take a deep breath, because you are being ridiculous. If all you have going for you is sticking your dick in me and you’re worried someone can do it better, you’ve got a lot more issues than you think. Relationships are not just about sex, and another penis is certainly not going to change anyone’s mind about their current relationship. If you’re worried about your bedroom game, change it up! Become a better partner. But if you are clinging to the idea that penis = breakup, you need to reevaluate your theories.

So guys (and gals, and anyone else who imposes rules that only apply to their SOs and not themselves). You don’t have a truly open relationship if you limit it for your partner based on a sexist double standard. If you subscribe to any of the three points of ideology I wrote about, you need to get with the program. Open your mind a bit. Because the last thing you want is for your partner to catch on to your insecurities and control issues. Resentment is a pretty ugly bedfellow. If you’re uncomfortable, talk about it. Figure out WHY. And for fuck’s sake…lighten up!

I want to just add that my current partner is not at all included in my little mini rant/observation. Unlike other partners, when I opened up and discussed what I’d like out of the relationship, he promised to listen and follow through. There have been things we have both been insecure about, but the difference is that we work on them together. I respect him greatly because even if he was nervous about not deploying the OPP, he understood why it was important to me to not be limited in the relationship. That’s not to say we haven’t had our ups and downs with it, but he was willing to compromise and negotiate, even as I have with other aspects of our relationship. It’s been an amazing journey with him, and I am grateful.

Submitted by – LadyArsenic

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