Ten People You Meet When You Write About Feminism, Consent and Rape
TRIGGER WARNING: rape, assault, abuse, violence.
Warning: the Snark-O-Meter is off the fucking scale with this one. I am pissed off and this is my way of venting and hopefully making a fellow fem or two smile in the process.
1. Mr “I’m-Not-Blaming-Her-But-Actually-I-Kinda-Am.”
This one comes in many disguises, but the message is the same. Of course rape and abuse are terrible but but but but if only she’d taken some personal responsibility it wouldn’t have happened. (Also known as “what did the stupid slut expect?”)
2. Ms “I-Don’t-Think-I-Need-Feminism-Therefore-I’m-Better-Than-Those-Uncool-Feminists.”
Usually comes from those privileged enough to not be survivors, who don’t realise that the fact that nothing especially bad has happened to them personally is sheer bloody good luck rather than because patriarchal oppression of women isn’t a thing. (Bonus points for “men like me more because I’m not a stupid whiny feminist!”)
3. Mr “Get-In-The-Kitchen-And-Make-Me-A-Sammich-HAHAHA-I’M-SO-EDGY.”
Do you make a stupid sexist joke when a woman says she’s a feminist just to get a rise? Congratulations. You’re not only an asshole, you’re also neither funny nor original.
4. Mr “Why-Can’t-We-All-Just-Be-Humanists?”
Because this argument deliberately deflects attention away from the issues which exclusively or primarily affect women, and it’s a really transparent way for you to both derail the conversation AND prove your imagined moral superiority, that’s why.
5. Mr “Worse-Things-Happen-In-The-World!”
Ahhh, possibly my favourite. Not every issue a feminist might care about is the Absolute Unequivocal Worst Thing In The World, so she shouldn’t care about it! This comes in forms such as “why do you call rape an atrocity when genocide exists?” and “why are you complaining about street harrassment when female genital mutilation happens in other countries?” Yeah, if your greatest argument against my point is “worst things exist!” it’s a pretty safe indication it’s time for you to shut up.
6. Mr or Ms “But-Men-Like-Strong-Women!”
The blatantly false implication that “strong” and “feminist” are mutually exclusive notwithstanding, what makes you think I care? Feminism isn’t about pleasing men. Womanhood is not solely about pleasing men! Frankly, if a man is put off by the fact that I won’t quietly tolerate socially sanctioned subjugation of my gender, he doesn’t deserve me anyway.
7. Mr “Men-And-Women-Are-DIFFERENT!-SCIENCE-says-so!”
Because you wouldn’t hold an offensive opinion, but we can’t ignore science, right? If you find yourself using a deeply limited understanding of biology (or, worse, dodgy evolutionary psychology) to explain why so few women work/study in STEM fields or why you think all woman MUST be submissives… you need to just face up to the fact that you’re a raging sexist. Acceptance is the first step to recovery.
8. Mr “Nonsensical Analogy.”
“You know, if you park your car on ABC Street and it gets broken into, no-one would say it’s YOUR FAULT but it’s okay if we point out that maybe if you’d parked it on XYZ Street instead it wouldn’t have happened, this is just fact…. and this is totally like rape somehow and justifies why my tendency to victim blame is okay…”
9. Mr “Why-Aren’t-We-Talking-About-Men?”
This usually comes under the guise of mansplaining why feminism is actually sexist and why fighting for equality for all genders is actually horribly oppressive to men. This is the type of person who will derail every conversation about rape with “butbutbutbut FALSE ACCUSATIONS!!!” and every conversation about female agency in sexual relationships with “you just think male sexuality is evil!!!” Here’s a quick pointer: if “OMGGGG we’re maybe-slightly-a-tiny-bit being knocked off the pedastal of dominance we’ve stood on for several thousand years” is your notion of oppression, you’re not actually being oppressed.
10. Mr “I-Personally-Have-Never-Done-Any-Of-These-Terrible-Things!”
These are the types of guys who fall over themselves to tell feminists that they, personally, have never raped or hit or abused or catcalled a woman. Good for you! Do you want a cookie for basic human decency? Why is it so hard to understand that just because YOU PERSONALLY are not actively part of the problem, does not mean that the problem does not exist?
Submitted by – Amaranta_Lilly