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How to Maintain a Sadist

Like many things, Sadists need regular maintenance to keep them running at maximum potential.

Ever leave your car sit in the driveway so long that it wouldn’t start up when you turned the key?

Your Sadist, like that car’s engine, needs some buttons pushed from time to time for optimal performance.

Here are some ideas for maintenance of a Sadist:

Poke Frequently
Contrary to popular belief, Sadists thoroughly enjoy being poked. Bonus points for poking repeatedly or for exclaiming “Poke the Sadist!” whilst poking

Run Away
Sadists need exercise to stay healthy and maintain stamina. Chasing you provides the perfect opportunity for your Sadist to get the exercise He (or She) needs.

Smart-Assery
A battle of wits is still a battle, and battles present opportunities for Sadists to be sadistic. All those things you get in trouble for saying? your sadists wants to hear them. Really. Try it. Your Sadist will relish the opportunity to…um…”reward” you for keeping Him on His toes. Smart is good, so a smart mouth must be a plus, right?

(I, for example, maintain my own Sadist by occasionally asking if He has broken a nail…)

Smart-assery also creates a great opportunity to exercise your Sadist (see: Run Away)

Pet Names
Another way to keep your Sadist in proper form is to develop pet names for Him. Not “Master,” “Sir,” or “Daddy” While your Sadist may have instructed you to use these names when addressing Him, they are not conducive to proper Sadist Maintenance. Names like “Mr. Dommly McDommerson” “SuperDom” and “Mom” are more likely to keep your Sadist in tip-top working order (Disregard “Mom” if your Sadist is a Mommy) “Yes Dear” if said with the correct inflection, can serve this purpose as well.
This is another opportunity to run away.

Take a lesson from kids…

Children provide a wonderful example of things that will help you maintain your Sadist. For example:

-Repeatedly asking “why?”
-Answering “But I’m not tiiiiired!” when presented with bedtime (this could also be used in other situations, such as “I’m not huuuuungry” or the classic “I don’t waaaaaaan-na!”)
-making goofy faces while They are talking to you

When all else fails, lick your Sadist

Ideally on the face. Remember to exercise your Sadist after licking by running away. Fast.

DISCLAIMER: Practice proper Sadist Maintenance at your own peril. I take no responsibility for any results or consequences that may arise due to following this maintenance guide. I will be too busy exercising my own Sadist after He reads this to save you

EDIT: to all who have stated they feel this is geared more towards maintaining a Dominant than a Sadist, while these would certainly apply in that situation as well, I labeled it for Sadists because these are all things that generally inspire my Sadist to hurt me 😉

Submitted by – Jenna13elle



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