In better moments, I know his motivations. I know he considers me prized, and he takes care of me better than I know how to take care of myself. He knows that during these stressful times I don’t take care of my most basic needs. I stop eating. I stop sleeping. I wear myself out until I collapse. In my better moments I see that he is ordering me to do a small act of self love, an act that I simply forget to do.